Change is Slow, But It Smells Like My Grandma Vera's Bathroom in Sherburne

Truth is, it took almost 45-minutes to get a photo from I-Photo to my desktop to write today's blog. This is the truth of technology when it doesn't work for you, but when you're convinced you can maintain the routine of your life (hoping that the machines you work can try to keep up with the brain that you have that multitasks on digital platforms). When you have a MacBook Pro with a processor dying a slow death, you grow a new realm of patience that you never knew you had, all in the hope that your traditions can continue.

This holiday season, my younger sister bought my mom, my older sister and me a monarch butterfly non-burning candle that slowly disappears leaving a slight sent in its wake. It seems like a perfect metaphor for a Chrysalis blog. I wish I could say I was still in the metamorphosis, but right now I'm simply hopeful that a flight will take place AT ALL in  2019. I can't get technology to cooperate.

But my house smells good. Actually, it smells like my grandmother Vera's downstairs (well, even upstair's) bathroom. It has a soapy-Rose-of-Olay smell that reminds me of a time that once was and of another grandmother who claimed the butterfly as her daemon. It makes me happy.

When I was thinking about this post (this photo) I began thinking about the times in my life when I've needed to hug myself in a cocoon and hope for the best. The first, I believe, is when I messed up as a 9th grader in high school. It was a defining point in my life to change and I like to think that I turned for the better (towards school and academics). Another transition was when I finished my environmental degree and was offered a job for the City of Louisville to work at a nature preserve full-time. A week later, I got offered two teaching jobs and I had to embrace myself in silk to figure out what would be best. I chose to teach.

Ten years later, when I didn't think I wanted to do a Ph.D. but the opportunity came my way, I simply wrapped myself in a golden blanket and let The Great Whatever help me to decide what comes next. This, of course, meant Syracuse University and although it was hard, I was glad I made the decision that I did.

Currently, I'm not on a precipice for change, but I do realize that I need to redirect my focus for the next few years so I can be sane. I'm smelling memories throughout my house, but also feeling the aches and pains of being mid-life. So, I'm throwing the net into the air for signs of what might be next for this Crandall world. I'm 100% happy, but I like to have larger goals to aim for and to help me to find definition in my life.

That is the metamorphosis and what I hope this year will help me to see more clearly.